never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
