I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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