I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
