How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
