Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
