On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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