so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize