what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
