after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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