Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
