I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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