i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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