apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you traded sex for a burrito?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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