Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize