I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize