$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
