Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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