We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
