dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
