Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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