you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
