New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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