It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
