Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
