He had one of those small greek statue penises
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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