She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
