he wants to bone in the snuggie
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
