Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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