he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
