I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
