your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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