DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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