Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
