is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
