3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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