I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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