after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
