no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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