On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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