My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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