waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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