So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
