I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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