Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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