there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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