my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
