She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
