Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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