it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
