i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
