So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
