Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
