so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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