Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
