i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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