dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
