so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
