More tranny stories later!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
