Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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