So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize