Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
