I looked at my own cervix.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize