Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
