But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
