I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
