I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
