why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
