final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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