this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
