She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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