We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
