The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize