By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
